BURLAP

 

“Dreams are guided by the dominant emotion or concern.”

—Ernest Hartmann, D.D. Dreams and Nightmares

 

 

DREAM: The Eyes in The Dark. (October 23, 1989. One month after my memory returned.)

I have the image of lying in a burlap bag. My field of vision is entirely black. All I can see are eyes looking at me in the dark.

 

Burlap has shown up in my dreams three times. This memory explains why.

 

RECOVERED MEMORY

I am in a garage.

“Get in this bag,” Frank orders.

I step in.

“Lie down,” he says as he pulls the cord

.“Stay there until we get back.”

 The bag itches and smells musty.

I hear him leave.

I lie there, anxious.

Should I get out and run away?

What if they are watching?

Is this a trick?

I can’t risk it.

They will hurt me again.

Better stay here.

Sleep comes.

They return and know I am theirs.

 

I BUY A CAR

At age 35, in 1975, I purchased my first vehicle. Though I had learned to drive at sixteen I never had a need for a car until I moved to San Francisco in 1974. I bought a brown stick shift Honda Civic and named it “Jasper.”

Driving in San Francisco was no joke. My first challenge was a steep hill with a stop sign at the top: Gough Street. Terrified, I had to learn to change gears, take my foot and push on the gas without Jasper making any backward motion. But, I soon learned to conquer my fear and added parallel parking on San Francisco hills.

My first venture was discovering the California countryside. Adventure awaited me in the open air. As I drove on back roads, California began to speak to me. In the spring, vibrant fields of wildflowers brushed the hillsides in the colors of yellow, orange, and blue. Cream cups, baby blue eyes, tidy tips, and fields of California poppies, lupin, and mustard dazzled me.

Photography became a hobby and California, Oregon, and Washington were my studio. On weekends, with my tent thrown in the back of Jasper, I traveled miles a day to find the perfect picture. The wild became my vacation destination. I crawled around on hillsides and photographed to my heart’s content. I joined a photography club and won many awards at monthly meetings. I entered photography competitions where my images were chosen for display and won several first-place prizes. I was also asked to exhibit my photographs at several venues around the Bay area.

Some of the happiest days of my life have been spent in the wilderness photographing the many amazing things I discovered. Along with my singing, I believe my experiences in nature brought balance to my life and helped me adapt to the traumas of my past.

 

 

 Self-portrait of me in a field of wildflowers in the Sierra hills, 1986. 

 

MY BOOK

 It's time to bring you up do date on my book. I have made the decision to go back to the idea of self-publishing. Time is moving fast, and my 84 years are making it unwise for me to wait around for a publisher to pick up my memoir.  

Susan Shankin, of Precocity Press has agreed to publish my book. She has many years of experience in the publishing industry. Her company provides coaching, consulting, editorial and design help, and will set up my book on eBook and Amazon. Many of her books have received awards. She is going to design different front covers and suggests that I send these ideas to you, my blog readers, for your vote on which design you like the best. That will be coming soon. Please participate.

She is a great person to consider if you are thinking of publishing. She is easy to work with, personable, and honest. susan@precocitypress.com  (310)392-5382

Onward and upward.